The purpose of this study is to dig deeper in the one of the most beautiful books in the New Testament – The book of John. But before we try to give a verse by verse exposition of the book, it will be necessary to consider John’s Gospel as a whole, try to discover its scope, its central theme, and its relation to the other three Gospels. Our aim is to open up the Scriptures in such a way that we will be able to enter into the meaning of what God has recorded for our learning in this part of His Holy Word.

If you wish to read some of these and want to go through the book with me, please follow this link or click on one of the pages on the right panel of my website – A Study on the Book of John.

But something in me is also different. Like a metropolis which is changing, mutating, like a chromosome multiplying exponentially in its own DNA, it seems like there’s somebody inside me, a stranger. The same body, the same hands, the same eyes, but with a different mind, a different heart maybe. There’s a stranger within, and I’m not sure if I welcome him totally.

I don’t normally cry watching movies, much less watching the leaves fall. But I just did. I thought indecision belongs to others only and it cannot be attributed to me, but I’m quiet unsure of myself now.  Things have changed, and I don’t know if it’s good or bad.

The stranger within me keeps on whispering into my whole being that it is alright to admit defeat. He keeps on telling me that it is alright not to be in control of everything. So different from the world I belonged to, where things pass by so quickly.

In the stillness of my heart, I may have found the world I want to live in, but should I become the stranger within?

I recalled our conversation the day before yesterday when Immigration told her that I was classified under S35A because my application was received on 5 May, which was the day after the expiry of my work permit. And I argued that I had been given a 3-month extension of that work permit until 4 August, to which Immigration said the extension was given one hour after they received my Student permit application. Sounds complicated?  No it’s really simple. My Student permit application was simply one hour earlier than the approval of the extension of the work permit – on the same day, yes, on the very same day.

I was scared of the complication, fearful that the school will have to discontinue my studies, and therefore further delay my chances of getting an IT job, and eventually a Permanent Residency in NZ. I was also afraid for my family. S35a applications do not have a time frame for processing, and the uncertainty was too much for a family who’s counting cents instead of dollars.

I looked at the verse for the day, “”For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.’” Isaiah 41:13 (NIV).

I scribbled on my pad these words,

are You holding my hand right now?  am i in doubt that you will? i am certain that you can. why am i still afraid?

why don’t i feel Him? do i have enough faith to feel His presence? why don’t i hear Him? don’t i trust Him enough?

are You helping me now? am i so numb from the problems in life? is He with me now? why do i feel so alone?

And my heart was pounding like it was pushing its way out of my chest, and I was wondering if I would be with my Creator that minute. The train stopped on the platform at Morningside. I didn’t realize we left. My eyes were wet with tears. I wanted to scream even louder than the train.

I was still an hour early for the interview, but still scared and very frightened. Into my confused and chaotic world, God’s promise came to me once again. Like a frightened child on the lap of a loving father, I held His outstretched hands, and be comforted with His words: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you. I will help.”

“But  God why are the tracks of our life now seem to go the opposite way? Should I change trains?” I asked God and He was silent.

“Why is the speed of things so slow and our hearts so empty? Am I in the right direction?” more questions, and even more silence.

Then the tracks went to a curve and I could see the coaches ahead, one after the other, following the tracks, all in the same speed, all in the same direction. And it struck me like lightning. And it suddenly became clear. He talked to me, and He continued talking, rambling, smiling, answering my questions.

It seemed so simple yet so true. It grips me with its simplicity amidst the complexity in life, and I can’t help my tears flowing down my cheeks with no apparent tracks. They just flow and it was just as well that I was in my usual seat at the back or the other passengers would have thought I’d just lost my job. No I didn’t. I lost it four months ago.

And now, my wife is facing the grim possibility of losing hers too. Her work permit application had been with Immigration for 4 months now, and its still sitting there on the table of somebody who would never know how his inaction would affect the lives of a simple family of three.

But like the train, I wish to follow the tracks even if they seem to be so slow. My wife and I prayed this morning:

“Lord, you know our desires even before we speak about it and you know our needs even before we ask you about them. So we pray not that you remove the difficulties, but that you make us stronger. But please make your will clear to us, even as we say ‘Thy will be done’.”

The train stopped and passengers started getting off the coaches. They have arrived.

All set and off we went to Mt Ruapehu, New Zealand’s largest skiing area. Clint was in the front car, as he and his wife, Vivian, had been to the area many times before. Jeff with his wife Ana and the kids were in the second car. Not too far away was Jovy, with his wife Ellen, and their kids and Cathy in the third car, a Honda Odyssey. Then there was Jun and his wife Doreen in their small but excitingly reliable car. Their kids, Aaron and Winter, were with the Odyssey, driven by Jovy. And at the tail of the convoy was us. As if warning us of things to come, Edmund’s seat belt got stuck and he was driving without it on for the first few kilometers.

But we were too excited to be bothered by seat belts or the danger of not wearing them. We were on our way to the long and winding road towards our first snow ever. In fact, we started seeing patches of snow on the roadsides, and it brought the kids to hysteria, as the older ones savour the beauty of the snow-capped mountains in front of us. It was so beautiful. I wish my wife was with me on that trip. I wouldn’t even mind if she were as hysterical as the kids (as I knew she would be) upon seeing the majestic scenery around us.

The weather was clear as the clouds gave way to an amazing view of Mt. Ruapehu ahead of us. As we wound up towards the mountains, the temperature started to drop and the altitude began to rise. We caught sight with the other cars as we started our way up the winding road. Then we saw signs, warning signs like “Ice / Grit” and we jokingly said, “Ok, Ice” like we’re expecting ice alright, so what’s with the sign anyway.

On the way up, we saw some cars on the side of the road being fitted with chains, and we slowly passed by them. A little farther, we saw pebbles on the road, or some kind of gravel that hit the underbelly of the car, like we were on an unpaved road. What we didn’t realize was that those things were neither gravel nor pebbles … they were ice on the road, and it made driving more challenging than extreme sports.

All of a sudden, without warning, the car skidded. It was like I was watching Fast and Furious with cars drifting on a carpark, except this time I was inside the car and it was not a carpark but on the edge of the cliff. As the car was sliding to the right towards the opposite lane, the world seemed to swirl right in front of our eyes, and the car was heading towards the rails. The wheels failed to grip the roadway, and we were sliding sideways away from the centre of road. Edmund hit the brakes, just in time to avoid the rails and the cliff a few inches away, yes, inches away, not feet nor meters. I could hear my daughter saying, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.” For a moment, we were all silent, unable to grasp the reality of how close we were to seeing our Creator before the rapture.

After recovering from the shock of it all, Edmund told me to check the front wheels. We were now actually on the opposite lane, diagonally facing the cliff. I stepped out of the car, and saw first the cliff on my left side, and how steep the ravine was. After Edmund restarted the engine, I assisted him in redirecting the wheel, which was locked facing hard right. We started downhill, way back to a safer place to make a u-turn, and give ourselves a little time to gather our wits.

It was only the beginning of an adventure that we will never forget, and the continuation of God’s protection that we will always remember.

To Him be all glory power and praise!

See you soon.

I was freezing in the cold, and to see the light in the quarters fronting the  train station, where I knew the workers were warm, made me colder still. My hand were too numb to write, so I had to rely on my memory (which is not much considering the situation) to record my ramblings of the day.

It was a moment when I really feel that the earth stood still, not because of some alien spaceships landing on the platform, but because time seemed to drag ever so slowly until you will be conscious of each second passing by. I was sure that I shared the same chilly feeling with the rest who were shivering as much as I did – that feeling of unspeakable joy when you hear that beautiful toot-toot-toot of the train approaching.

Just as I stepped into the coach, a cute little child smiled, and then the whole world lit up. It was a cold trip with a warm smile, and that is good enough for me to last another train trip.

I was instantly transported back to time (19 years ago actually) when, during our wedding, my wife and I sang a duet: (from the song “Cherish the Treasure” written by John Mohr):

“This sacred vow I give to you, does not contain an ‘if’,

though I’m aware that trials lie ahead,

I will love you and pray with you, and through it all I will stay with you,

Our home will be a refuge of unconditional love…”

I wished my wife was with me on the train. I would have asked her to make a covenant with me that we will grow old together, like this beautiful couple in front of me. I know she would (undoubtedly even into a blood compact of some sort). All of a sudden, I was jolted by the noise of two kids running all over the place, unmindful of the chug-chug of the train, keeping their balance like they were gymnasts preparing for the olympic games. The boy was about 5 years old and the little girl was around 4. Looking at them, one can only be amazed at how simple a life of a child is. Even more amazing was the juxtaposition of two kids and two elderlies, like a full circle of life is right in front of me, ironically in a moving train.

I remembered the featured TV interview of a 92-year old couple,  who was asked about their secret of a lifelong marriage. The husband sheepishly answered,

“Always follow what the wife says…”

I have to park my pen here, it’s time to sleep (says my wife).

I tried to avoid looking at the chugger by staring at the windows seeing nothing in particular as the scenery passed by like a video playback in a fast-forward mode.

It’s amazing how the whole thing encapsulates our journey in life. Like the episodes from your childhood to maturity flashing by so fast you can barely point at one particular frame. But as the train stopped, and people stepped outside while still others got inside the coach, I was brought back to reality, like one in an interrupted series of dreams so good you want to keep snoring (with utter disregard like the chugger guy opposite me).

In this journey therefore, my mind will continue with its wanderings without boundaries, without limits, without fear.

Then that evening, in our family devotion, we came upon this verse in Luke 11:3, “Give us each day our daily bread.” And then it hit me right there and then, even as I think about the carrots, cabbages, and cauliflowers I’ve had to swallow earlier.

God provides us for everything that we need in life – sometimes with good things, and then some. Yes, sometimes, the plates overflow. God keeps bringing out more “food” than we can swallow, and we keep loosening our belts. It could be a successful career, a salary increase, a privilege, a friendship, a gift. 

And then there are those days when we have to eat the “vegetables” in life, those things we do not like. Our daily bread could be trials, tears, temptations. It seems like all of life’s difficulties follow you like a creepy shadow. Our portion may include adversities and those ”bad things” in life.

But then we pray, “Give us today our daily bread” and when God serves the food, indeed it can be so distasteful, at times dreadful. But doesn’t He know what is best for us? If He, who gave us His only Son because of His great love for us, offers us these vegetables in our life, then maybe we should take it, albeit with some tears in our eyes. Should we only receive the good things in life? Are we not supposed to embrace even those “seemingly bad things” too?

God, in His sovereignty and love, knows what is best for us. And therefore, if we need to go through those difficult things in life, then with Paul we should welcome it and say…

“when I have enough to eat and when I go hungry, when I have more than I need and when I do not have enough, I can do all things through Christ, because He gives me strength.” (Phil. 4:12-13).