Railway Ramblings

I was sitting on my usual seat at the back of the last coach of the train headed for the Western Tracks. I was early today despite the cold Tuesday morning air but my heart was beating so fast like I was late for just a few seconds and missed the flight. But I was not late and I was already on my seat, waiting for the train to bring me to school where I would meet with the Head of the International Students Department. She is the reason why my heart was beating fast. Yes, she is beautiful but it has nothing to do with that (or whatever it is in your mind right now). I had scheduled a meeting with her to discuss my status in school, now that we were informed that my Student Permit application had been classified under Section 35A.

I recalled our conversation the day before yesterday when Immigration told her that I was classified under S35A because my application was received on 5 May, which was the day after the expiry of my work permit. And I argued that I had been given a 3-month extension of that work permit until 4 August, to which Immigration said the extension was given one hour after they received my Student permit application. Sounds complicated?  No it’s really simple. My Student permit application was simply one hour earlier than the approval of the extension of the work permit – on the same day, yes, on the very same day.

I was scared of the complication, fearful that the school will have to discontinue my studies, and therefore further delay my chances of getting an IT job, and eventually a Permanent Residency in NZ. I was also afraid for my family. S35a applications do not have a time frame for processing, and the uncertainty was too much for a family who’s counting cents instead of dollars.

I looked at the verse for the day, “”For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.'” Isaiah 41:13 (NIV).

I scribbled on my pad these words,

are You holding my hand right now?  am i in doubt that you will? i am certain that you can. why am i still afraid?

why don’t i feel Him? do i have enough faith to feel His presence? why don’t i hear Him? don’t i trust Him enough?

are You helping me now? am i so numb from the problems in life? is He with me now? why do i feel so alone?

And my heart was pounding like it was pushing its way out of my chest, and I was wondering if I would be with my Creator that minute. The train stopped on the platform at Morningside. I didn’t realize we left. My eyes were wet with tears. I wanted to scream even louder than the train.

I was still an hour early for the interview, but still scared and very frightened. Into my confused and chaotic world, God’s promise came to me once again. Like a frightened child on the lap of a loving father, I held His outstretched hands, and be comforted with His words: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you. I will help.”